she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
