You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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