sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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