Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
