He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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