i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
