my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
