had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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