I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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