god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
