? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
