Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
