i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
