I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
