Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
MIDGETS
????
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
