Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They took my balls.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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