We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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