Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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