i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
