so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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