You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
