he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
