I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
