wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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