dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
