is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
