i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
