i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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