it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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