I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
