I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was confusing and full of hummus
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
