Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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