i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
