All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize