i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
