Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
