I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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