we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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