No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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