$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...