I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means