dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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