We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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