You're completely useless in the revolution.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
