Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
