Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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