saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I AM VODKA MAN
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
