Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
