Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
