i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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