Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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