Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
