i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
