your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
