Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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