we made out on top of his cat.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
