so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
