You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
