I smell stomach acid.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
