Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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