Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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