the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
