I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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