I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
