It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
