I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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