i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
