she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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