i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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