Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
