The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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