When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
