so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
