Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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