I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
