i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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