My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
