Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
