if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
