There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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