I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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